Death! Who are you? Why you so frighten everyone? What a secret you store?! They say that everything that was born and develops goes to death. Why then to be born and whether it's possible to win against death?
Once I was told such story: one boy had a dream that he walks on a fine meadow, and suddenly a woman of surprising beauty approached him and proposed to fly. She took him by hand, and they flew. It was so nice. But after she told him:
“You know what my name is?”
“My name is Death.”
“Do you want me to take you with me?”
The boy didn't know what is death and therefore wasn't frightened. But he remembered of his mother and told:
“Sorry, but no, I want to be with my mother.”
He woke up and told his dream to the mother. The mother told to the boy:
-“Sonny, this woman told you her name incorrectly. Her name is not Death, her name is Love.”
-“But what is death?” - the boy asked.
-“Death? Death is Love,” - the mother told to the boy.
This history made me think. Perhaps really death is love, or one of manifestations of love of God to people? Also I remembered...
In the childhood, when we moved from the mountain to the forest and meadow, opposite of the house, across the road, there was a cemetery. It guided me to reflections about death from the very early age.
People sometimes were buried in this cemetery, but understanding and thoughts of death came only after one case, a tragic for me case...
I liked birdies and wanted to play with them, but how? I was six years old then. And here an adult boys, at my request, caught a sparrow. They tied a thread to his leg and gave a tip of this thread with a sparrow to me. With pleasure I took the string and began to reduce the distance between me and the sparrow to take it in my hands. But the sparrow tried to escape from my hands.
When I released the sparrow from the hands, it felt freedom and began to fly up, remaining my captive. I didn't understand then how it feels bad on the thread. It seemed to me that the sparrow doesn't understand that I simply want to play because I like it very much!
The sparrow was flying in a funny way, and I hitched it up. I so liked this game, and seemed that we both very happy.
A pleasure overflowed my children's heart, I began to turn together with the sparrow on one place and to spin it, I didn't notice that the sparrow ceased to fly around, and my inertia dragged it on the rope as a stone. I moved a little, it hit a column and died.
Even now I remember this dull slap and... silence, it was such piercing, I had a ringing in my ears. I stood as if rooted to the ground. On the earth a dead little body lay. The world for me grew dim for the first time, I was scared, and a pain - it pierced my heart.
I understood that I killed the sparrow and it will never fly again.
The grief was such big that I got sick. I cried over the birdie for a long time, then made it a coffin, dug a hole and buried as bury people.
That is then I realized what is death and how it is terrible.
After I was coming to the grave for a long time, and a sense of guilt, that I with own hands deprived of life a living being, haunted me. Since then I was afraid to kill even a butterfly. And every time when I was on a funeral, I - as bewitched - looked at the face of died person and then for months thought of this person and of his death.
I wanted to see death itself and to speak with it. Why it is so awful and unfair? In my soul there lived a revolt.
“How is that so?”
“Everyone who lives will die - and that's it?!”
“No, it can't be so.”
An answer didn't come, and pain and reflections were breaking my head. I could do nothing, for days I sat and thought. But death didn't answer me.
Then I went to study in school and I hoped to find answers in books. Everything to what I was taught at school about death caused a deepest protest. I categorically didn't agree that with death person disappears forever. Then life was becoming senseless.
And then I remembered God and addressed him with anger, why did he arranged this world so that there is death in it? And I shouted to him:
“If the world is such, let it then disappears at all!”
But some force in me wakened and was winning against the all thoughts about death and injustice. Sometimes it was so great as an ocean and as a musical symphony sounded in me as some apotheosis to life, to the world, and at these moments I knew precisely that I will never die.
During these moments I madly loved life. I drunk each its instant with a huge greed as people in desert drink water. With each cell of the body I felt a pulse of life, and a pleasure overflowed me as a wave. I ran away in the forest and laughed and cried as mad.
I liked everything that surrounded me - flowers, trees, birds, clouds, earth. It seemed that I embrace all this with my hands. Everything caused an admiration and there was a wish to know and study everything closer.
And after again - the thoughts of death excited my imagination, this terrible show attracted me and took by force. And two of these passions - LIFE AND DEATH - WERE EQUAL BY THEIR FORCE.
So Life and Death lodged in me since the small years and directed my actions. But life was stronger than death. And death often receded before a powerful impulse of vital force, which I felt in myself, and which often broke outside to ardent and passionate desire to love this world, to merge in it, to dissolve itself in it, to understand life of a tree and a flower, to become a bird and to learn of what it thinks.
A passionate desire generated dreams and imaginations which were limitless. Sometimes it seemed to me that I am omnipotent. Nobody understood me at home, and only the father looked, getting into a chasms of my soul and kept silence.
He was very reserved in feelings to me. Without having opportunity to show a passionate love to people and understanding that if I will begin to show the feelings I will be considered as abnormal, I didn't want it.
The father read this love in my eyes and often looking in my heart turned away and wiped the tears with a sleeve. And then somehow awkwardly fussed and I ran away to his shed. I felt his worry and pain for me.
And I ran away in the forest and there engaged into love relations with trees, grass, earth, wind, water. I learned to dissolve in them absolutely, I whispered them the words of love, with each cell of the body I nestled to trees, I stroked grass and merged with soul of the forest. I learned to merge with the lake so that we were becoming a single whole.
It was an ECSTASY of LOVE.
And I heard an answer. They answered me with the same. I learned to talk to sun, to water, to the meadow. All of them responded to my passionate feelings. Each of my movement repeated in nature. It echoed me, and even weather became subjected to my feelings. Everything that surrounded became alive, answered and had a soul which I knew.
If I embraced one birch, another would start being jealous and angrily rustled with its leaves with insult, and then I rushed to it, and squeezed it in my embraces so hot that the birch started breathing hotly, and I heard its pulse, and we merged in ecstasy of love. Then I rushed to the lake and gave myself to it. And it accepted me and gave an ecstasy of love.
I was convinced that between people such feelings are considered shameful. And I still don't understand why? Why to love nature is considered shameful?
But then, after manifestation of my Love, Death always began to appear, more precisely its energy entered into each cell of mine, and I saw it. I was feeling a painful sweetness. My body sobbed and laughed loudly. Death froze before this ecstasy of love and was spell-bounded. After I found that Death verges on Love.
Many years later, without understanding the life of people and their laws, I fell into the hands of death, there where wouldn't survive any human, I saw how the death froze, coming close to love. It lowered the hands, not capable to resist a force awakening in me. I saw this phenomenon not with the eyes but felt it by own skin. And I understood - I win against it by love and passion to life!
And so was always, when I left my childhood and my forest and got into the world of people - all my life I went with ease on a razor edge between Life and Death. And they became for me as two sisters, as two women standing on both sides of the edge on which I go with laughter and crying.
Through the time they, two sisters, made friends, and began to help me to go by the road conducting to eternity.
Also revealed: LOVE AND LIFE - THE SAME, AND DEATH - A GIRLFRIEND AND A SISTER OF LIFE AND LOVE.
And life is connected with love in me, and death became a girlfriend of life and love. Also an inspiration came: DEATH GIVES RISE to LIFE - new life. She is a girlfriend and a sister of love, she is a MOTHER of LIFE ON EARTH.
When life and death got connected my way became periodical change of death and birth, without dying of the physical body. And that is the Way of God, and - LONGER YOU GO BY IT - MORE OFTEN THE FREQUENCY OF CYCLES IS GETTING BORN, AND MORE OFTEN YOU ENDURE A CHANGE OF DEATH AND BIRTH.
I learned to burn all old feelings, thoughts and memoirs. To die and as a Phoenix bird to rise from ashes.
At first it was tormenting and painful, but the time passed, and I started to love with this phenomenon in myself. Two fine beginnings are connected in me - Life and Death - and began to work as a jet engine which pushes me forward and forces always live in a new way.
Ones Life and Death became in me a sword which has two ends, and this sword dissects life and gives birth to Love from Death. This sword is also an Alpha and Omega. It is the same sword about which Jesus spoke, and this is God of Gods who is the Beginning and the End.
And I know - time will pass and the distance between birth and death in me will disappear, it will be reduced and once... Life and Death will merge forever, and then my Lord will show through me an Eternal Love.
So many years back I looked for a secret of death and found life - it's essence, it's ecstasy,
CONNECTING LIFE TO DEATH I AM OPENING LOVE.How to understand what is Life and where lives Death, - I revealed this secret also, as loving me they opened the places of their dwelling.
Both of my sisters live only in human, and they aren't present anywhere else. And love lives not in human and therefore she is - God. But it is a secret!
If some sense, purpose or dream appears in our life - an Energy of Life switches on.
For example: I attend some lectures or meetings and don't show any interest in the subject of conversation, I kill the time, there are no Life, emptiness... But here the same subject is read by a person whom I adore, I am in love with him - and suddenly... the most uninteresting subject becomes a most interesting. A life force arises in me, I waken from hibernation, and... surprising revelations about which earlier I didn't even suspect begin. The subject gets filled with a spirit of life, and inspirations open some new horizons and prospects, an activity rises, and as a result - success in all that conceived.
And that is a law of life, and so everything that exists in the world - nature, people if we aren't fascinated by them, we don't see their beauty - we can't spiritualize, Death dominates over them, the words and affairs are dead and uninteresting, and our passionate desire to love sleeps.
But here all on the contrary - we are in love, a charm comes and a spirit of life descends! It engenders a fire of passion in us, which sets a fire to the heart and installs a spirit to the indifferent world surrounding us, and everything comes to life, and answers us with the same. AND LIFE REIGNS.
So the laws of spirit in the world of nature are working. But when I got to the world of people I understood that because of complexes, prejudices and laws, silly and ugly, contradicting the laws of nature, in the world of people this law is turned upside down, and often works on the contrary, without feedback.
For example, when I worked with singers, I noticed how, getting inspired by their music, a charm in me was coming to life, and a Strength of Life was revived, and at the time of their singing a feedback was established with those to whom I listened. And they felt it and got loaded with this energy, and there was an inspiration in them getting born. Their singing was becoming finer, and from it I was loaded even more, and my energy again came back to them. But they didn't understand it.
Sometimes meeting them in everyday life I noticed that they were incapable to communicate with feedback, and my interest to them as to personalities quickly died away. They were able to burn at the time of creativity, but faded away and weren't capable to create the same communication in the course of conversation. At such moments they were dead. And it grieved.
I am sure, - person wouldn't be capable to work creatively and with inspiration, that the work would be a blessing, but not a damnation, without this feedback. And, if person doesn't find it, his work will be a compulsory vanity and will bring not creation, but destruction.
And Spirit condescends on person only when it establishes this feedback with a person. It is also an initial moment of CREATION.
I am sure that for man in such process always involved woman. Not Ioann did baptized Jesus, after all he was his cousin and since the childhood they grew together. The baptizing occurred while Jesus was heard by her, Mary Magdalene, and a feedback was reestablished, and heavens opened for Jesus.
She didn't listen, but heard and realized, that's how he became a Son of God. And she was that feedback through which Spirit worked in him and made everything that could. It isn't important where he was and whether he saw her or not, but a communication arose and it worked.
Something lacked in Jesus to open the same communication in his loved one - may be people and their prejudices prevented - therefore he left, and she remained and took his cross on herself.
I have a question:
“Who suffered more - he on the cross for two days, and left - or she?”
When he left, the feedback got another, unknown to human form, and in her a spirit of life forever died, after all - she loved only him! Death lodged in her. I know what it is. It needed to take this shape – a death form. What for? This secret will be revealed soon.
It was easier for the apostles and his mother - they rose by his death, a Spirit of Life revived in them. They preached and cured. They had a sense, an idea of life at the expense of this great couple.
So who gave them Spirit? Who suffered more? He or she?
After all at the moment of his death a strong and indestructible link which fed them with an energy of life was broken. Only a few people keep this communication since the birth without suspecting about it. They baptize all people's feats on earth, voluntary giving themselves to other people for the sake of life. Isn't the beloved spouse of Jesus done the same?
Only when there is a spirit of life in us - there occurres a desire to love as God loves. But if we didn't learn death in our soul we aren't capable of love, no matter how much we speak about it.
And when are we capable to learn death?
When, having directed a vital force to some object or person and having spiritualized him, we have no feedback or we have a negative feedback. We send an admiration, love, and in reply we receive something another - indifference, cold, pain. We accept it in the heart and then we lose a spirit of God and we get to a darkness, and we endure the death of our soul.
But we remember that once the spirit was near us, it somewhere, and this death - as a poisoning or a change of Environment in us. And we begin a search of spirit, and we pass the torments of knowledge, we find it, and then again we lose. But, losing it, we learn other force - a Force of Death - and we come back to Spirit, but being different.
Such way in human a process of merging of Power of Death and Force of life occurs. And the more intensively this process goes in person - the quicker a Divine Flower of Love will reveal. And then there will be a connection of Earth and Sky, and person will become a Godman and will find a true immortality.
She, Magdalene, beloved and the only spouse of Jesus, accepted all completeness of death in herself and fell to the bottom of chasm. And when the height of spirit of man will connect to the depth of chasm of woman, - a new unknown quality will be born in the Universe and a new Flower of Love will blossom - its fragrance will be God's gift to human.
Only two are needed for this purpose: he and she - sky and earth. We, people, are sent for this purpose to this earth to pass this way. For this purpose Lord supplied us with its spirit which serves us as a lamp in the darkness of earth.
But how to experience chasm and darkness?
Lord gives us tests and temptations, and it is impossible to run away from them. To pass through them and remember of spirit - THAT IS A TASK AND AN ANSWER.