The twenty-first chapter of the book:
A MISSION OF MY FATHER.
Many years ago, I met an author of the popular best-seller "Anastasia", and we started talking about my father who died many years ago. And suddenly Vladimir Megre asked: "Did you had a sexual attraction to your father?"
After such question I nearly had a stroke, it seemed to me that at this moment the world collapsed. I loved my father very much, and it was a pure and innocent love. Only God is loved that way. I couldn't assume then how low could be the consciousness of some people, including this writer.
I measured all people by myself. A purity and freedom from any vices connected with sexual attractions always reigned in my soul. In my soul always lived and still lives a dream of great love, which has no time on human's meanness, connected with sex and domestic life. For these my dreams I was considered crazy, but I know that I had such love, and for it I was born on Earth again to find the lost eternal love.
This dream also attracted me to this writer Vladimir Megre, the same dream brought me Vladimir Oksikovskii. More precisely, Vladimir Megre, as well as Oksikovskii, found me. I responded to the call of Megre and went to him to the city of Gelendzhik, where he only started writing his first book.
And this question, completely awful for me, the question of Vladimir shook out all my memory, returned me to the childhood and my youth, helped to remember everything to what the father taught. And a miracle came true - I again met the love of my father!
And I decided to prove and show to such useless writers and simply fallen people that there is a divine dream and love on Earth, but only for these elite who believes in dream and have a pure soul. And here I'll show you the love of the father, and on its example millions of fathers who will specify a way of truth to the daughters will grow up.
A DREAM OF THE FATHER.
So many years passed from the date of his death, but the memory of the father didn't give rest neither by day, nor by night. Why did he die so early? What is the Father's mission for the world was? What did He do for me in this life?
And only after the meeting with Vladimir Megre who was once directly connected to my dream, I succeeded to find the answers to these questions. A feeling of inexpressible and hurting tenderness filled all my being, the Father presented with tenderness, and it wounded. The heart cried and laughed, it was painful and joyful at the same time.
A great feeling of purification began to whirl and lifted on the tops of the spirit. A pride for the Father flared in the heart, and I saw a greatness of his feat. I understood that my father could become the richest and well-known person on earth as he was ingenious, but he refused a terrestrial glory and sacrificed his life for the sake of me. He gave all the energy of his soul, stretched his heart on the palms of his hands.
“OH, MY BELOVED FATHER! YOUR STRAYED DAUGHTER UNDERSTOOD IT ONLY TODAY AND BENDS THE HEAD BEFORE YOU! HERE MY BOW TO YOU TILL THE EARTH!”
In the childhood I dreamed how I will devote my life to people, make them happy and I was saying to him about it. He told nothing and silently gave for me his life, youth and force to protect his daughter from evil and troubles!
A dirt and darkness of the world he took to his loving heart that darkness wouldn't touch his daughter, and she'd kept her heart in purity.
And he loved me by a secret Great Love of Father, and this Love was always with me, only then I understood too little and didn't notice it as it was secret, and I looked for an obvious love in the world.
And all my course of life is a search of Love of my Father.
People were giving me their love, only none of them knew me as the father did, and therefore my feelings broke of the rocks of human hearts. If it were men, in each of them I learned only one of the father's sides, but an integrity inherent in him I didn't find in anybody.
"An open book of a childhood" is devoted to my father and it is my overdue declaration of love:
“And I am telling you, My Father! Now, when I realized your love, each my step on earth will be devoted to you.
My darling and kind father, you gave me your delicate and gentle mind, you taught me not to break the laws of conscience, you presented me with the most intimate secret of your soul.
You taught me to multiply it and bring in the laws of life”.
My way of search of your love was hard. Having lost it, I lost a protection and learned a tyranny over my soul. Often it was cold, very cold in this world without you, but sensitivity of the mind didn't allow me to complain. And when through someone you asked me: "Are you warm enough, daughter? Are you warm, beauty?" - I, almost freezing from an icy cold human tyranny, whispered to you: "I am warm, father, warm, darling!"
But the soul was breaking and cried: "Oh, somebody, rescue me! I freeze!" Nobody heard and if heard didn't give a helping hand, and when the soul reached the verge of full misunderstanding, and it seemed that I stand on a hair from death, and a last tyrant would completely gulp me - I suddenly saw your Love, I found IT!
Oh, my beloved father, now I never will lose your love!
All my books, everything that I will manage to make in this life, even my breath, will tell you about my love. All my life, from now on, becomes a declaration of love to you, such deep and shrill that doesn't matter where you are, in what world soars your soul, you will meet my signs on your ways. I will place them in all the worlds that your way to me would be fantastic, and you will learn to read my alphabet of love!
My dear father, you was so grieving for perfection, so wanted to see it in me. From now o, by the signs of my love to you, you will learn a perfection. But not the one invented by people trying to stop the moment - you will see that one what changes every second, and together with it the whole world changes, and you will never be tired of my love, because the language of soul is inexhaustible.
Everything that you planned when I was a small little girl, all what you invested in me when I only appeared before you, even before creation of all worlds, everything WILL SURELY be EXECUTED! Because I am your soul, magic and unknown. And, though you aren't present in this world, your secret love will be eternally with me, and it lights my way!
And let the example of my declaration of love to you become known to each man on Earth and to each spirit in heavens, let them learn how the relations between children and parents have be constructed. And if someone from fathers wouldn't like to use this example for education of his children, then he should never become a father, so not to introduce his and his children's disgraceful lives to this world.
My verses devoted to love...