The nineteenth chapter of the book:
HOW I BUILT THE HOUSE IN MY SOUL
I had an apartment, which was my house, more precisely, a shelter. Then I didn't understand what is House. Time has come, and I lost this shelter. A lot of grief and adversities I took without the dwelling, which I called my house. I wandered all over the world and looked, looked for a House. A house through the way of sufferings. I opened what the House is. Many people met me on the way, I lived with them, loved them, but through time understood that I not able to find the way home. I began to think - what is this House, where is it and whether it exists on the earth? Lord brought me together with a person who returned to my sources and showed a road to the House.
How it was difficult for me to face truth, it was so painful to realize that so many years I wandered in the jungle of someone else's doctrines and philosophical fabrications, having forgotten about the main thing.
And then I opened: House is not a room and not a place on earth. House is a feeling of sensibleness, a state of mind, it is a patrimonial memory of own kind. House lives in me and it creates a space which saves his owner, cares of his welfare and protects its patrimonial energy. The house opens for the owner, his friend, an opportunity, stores from diseases and protects from an evil eye.
It was so difficult for me to believe in existence of protection in me and I trusted to anyone, only not to myself. For so long I clung to all external that surrounded me in life, and I didn't want to believe in existence of protection in me. I simply very much was afraid, afraid to live alone on the earth, without the father and the dwelling.
Where will I live, what will I eat, what will I wear if I have nothing left! - So I thought in fear and clung to any thought, which could tie to my problems. But the problems thus didn't disappear, but vice versa.
The friends betrayed me, nobody needed me, I thought that I should try to be pleasant to people, may be they will understand that I'm in need. But nobody heard me, on the contrary - same needing people were coming and asking for something I need myself, about what I hesitated to ask them.
And no one knows for how long would such homeless state continued, if once a young man wouldn't come and first, asking nothing, give me money. And it isn't about money, matters HOW he gave them.
Everybody, who helped me earlier or took on a lodging for the night, did it as an advance, even if didn't tell anything, I felt homeless and humiliated because in their thoughts they waited something from me. He was pure and wanted nothing. After this meeting we didn't see each other for the whole year, but something began to happen to me. I ceased to be afraid. After a while I began to feel that I find some confidence and force in my soul.
In one year he called me. I heard his voice and got very happy. We met again. He talked of God that lives in soul of each person, and that this God craves from each living on earth person only a little - a justice and peace of mind.
After the conversation with him my offense was gone, and one night I didn't sleep and remembered the House, which waited me for so many years, and then...
A space of the House opened, I saw the door and entered. But in the House of my heart there were many people, they lived in my thoughts and tried to change money for goods, goods for money, and it appeared that all the years I actively helped them with it. I brought together and parted some people. And what has turned out from that? "My God, what a horror!" They argued and competed. Everyone offered his goods and claimed them to be the best!
There were all: politicians offered themselves, poets - their verses, businessmen - clothes, food, dwellings, spiritual people - some doctrines, thinkers - thoughts and ideas. And everyone, as he could, praised his goods and tried to foist it to others.
What here was only not: the healers changed their abilities for money, clairvoyants, magicians exchanged their visions of future and success in work, and even love between men and women was sold for money!
When I saw it - I got frightened! After all I was their accomplice and helped them! I realized that all these people lost the true House. But in my heart there were secret dreams, and I decided to get away from myself in the most treasured corner of my soul, where I will be able to be alone with myself.
When I entered my treasured room, I saw that it is opened, and my dream too is getting exchanged for money. At first I didn't notice that here also money are governing, I was delighted that so many people know about my dream. But after I saw a trade, and felt such a pain that I cried my head off for some days. So, I looked for God and the way to the House all my life and, as found - it's became even worse. The life lost any meaning, God died.
I watch at all that as at battlefield after fight, as at war in a form of rivalry and auction without end and edge. And then I remembered Jesus. as with a lash he banished all moneychangers from the temple, and I understood the sense of made by him.
And I told to myself the same words what Jesus told to these moneychangers: "How did you dare to turn the House of my Father into a den of robbers?" And I also got rid of all the moneychangers, and my House turned into a Temple of my heart.
And nobody remain in it, except my Lord and a memory of that young man who of sincere heart gave me the money. Also I remembered those forgotten people who helped me without demanding anything in exchange, and there were lots of them.
And I understood that I have so many friends, that all of them is impossible to count, only I forgot them, because the true goodness doesn't shout of itself, and does good deeds imperceptibly. That's why I forgot about them and listened the shouters instead. And I became so ashamed that I lived blind and deaf and didn't hear a whisper of love.
Like that my empty torments came to an end, and a new life full of sense began. And my House began to save me and protect from troubles, and a peace and rest set in in my soul.
And I would never forget the unintentional meeting with that young man. As he sat me in his car and I began to speak to him about my life and suddenly cried. I had no handkerchief, he hastily pulled out his own and gave me. I wiped the tears and began to smile, he asked: "Can I take this handkerchief?" I gave, and saw how accurately he folded it. He wiped my tears out.
Looks like a trifle, but lives in the memory as men, after all, can make fine acts and they might wipe the tears of disadvantaged and defenseless women and children.
And with every day a belief in good and compassion began to grow and get stronger in my heart, and I would like to give this belief to each person and wish him to find the House of his
Lord, the House of your Father who waits for everyone in his soul. Father, hallowed be Thy name!